The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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