btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
