If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
