Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
