you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i would one night stand the shit outta him
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
wow bdsm is so cute
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