he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
