you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
