Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Two words: blizzard sex
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
