he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
