i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
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he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
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So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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