Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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