One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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