The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
