i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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