what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
this just has baby written all over it
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
