So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
