So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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