If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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