Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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