I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
then he tried to convert me to islam
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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