if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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