i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
