You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
