how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This baby is an asshole
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize