im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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