I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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