We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
