then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
