Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
