That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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