I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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