hell yes lets make some ravioli
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
