At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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