On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
