I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
