I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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