There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
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hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
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I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize