I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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