So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
