You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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