So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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