dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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