It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
