It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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