yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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