Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
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did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
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Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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