Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
