Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
