i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
