Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
operation have a gay friend backfired
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize
