I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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