for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
