My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
