You work out of a Hotel?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i think my cat just said my name.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
