now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
