he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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