Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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