Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
