Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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