Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
