Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
