Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
