is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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