That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
