the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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