She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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