an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my being single is dangerous.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
