Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
