i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
