she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
