I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
