watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
