my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
