Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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