Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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