Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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