At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
