The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
