if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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