i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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