i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
