My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
