the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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