some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
