i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
