I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He? As in you personified your dick?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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