I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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