Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
